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1 # 傳遞歡笑的小孩
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2 # 照照看電影
guest:What is the fly doing in my soup?
waiter: He is swimming, sir.
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3 # 海闊天空106704831
You are not my Mr.Right, how can you understand my deep love
你非我良人，怎懂我情深
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4 # 帝皇蝦
有關簡短的爆笑英文小笑話：
All Right
Hurrying my 11-year old daughter to school, I made a right turn at a red light when it wasprohibited. “Uh-oh,” I said, realizing my mistake. “I just make an illegal turn.”
”I guess it’s all right.” my daughter replied, “The police car behind us did the same thing.”
沒關係
我趕著開車將11歲的女兒送到學校去，在紅燈處右拐了，而那是不允許的。“啊噢，”意識到犯了錯誤，我說。“我剛才拐彎是違章的。”
“我想那沒關係的，”女兒回答說：“我們後面的警車也同樣拐了彎。”
Gardening Gloves
For months I hinted that I needed a new wedding ring, since I had developed an allergy togold. On my birthday, while I was gardening, my husband asked me for gift suggestions. I heldmy hands up and said, “Well, you’ll notice that my hands are bare.”
Later that evening I opened my present with enthusiasm. “Happy birthday,” he said, as Iunwrapped a new pair of gardening gloves.
園藝手套
幾個月以來，我一直在向丈夫暗示我需要一枚新的結婚戒指，因為我對黃金有點過敏。生日那天，我正在幹園藝活時，丈夫問我想要什麼禮物。我舉起雙手說：“嗯，你肯定看到了，我的兩手都是光光的。”
那天晚上，我滿懷熱情地拆開了丈夫送的禮物。“生日快樂!”他說。我開啟一看：裡面包著一雙園藝手套。
The lowest grade
”Professor, I did the best I could on this test. I really don’t think I deserve a zero.”
”Neither do I. But that’s the lowest grade I’m allowed to give.”
最低分
學生：“教授先生，我這次考試已經竭盡全力了。我真的覺得我不應該得零蛋。”
老師：“我也是。但是這已經是我能給的最低分了!”
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5 # 笑料加工廠
#開心一刻#
老陳：美女，basecoco這個詞語是什麼意思？
（美女英語過了八級，卻怎麼也回答不上來，她反問我）
美女：這到底是什麼意思啊？
老陳：你拼讀一下就知道了。
美女：（恍然大悟）原來是個背時殼殼呀？
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6 # 林寧寧失憶了
說一個著名的英語小笑話了，簡短下來就是這一句“Knowledge is Power——France is Bacon”
知識就是力量，法國是培根。
下面是英文原文
When I was young my father said to me:
"Knowledge is Power——Francis Bacon"
I understood it as "Knowledge is power, France is Bacon".
For more than a decade I wondered over the meaning of the second part and what was the surreal linkage between the two?
If I said the quote to someone,"Knowledge is power, France is Bacon" they nodded knowingly. Or someone might say,"Knowledge is power" and I"d finish the quote "France is Bacon" and they wouldn"t look at me like I"d said something very odd but thoughtfully agree.
I did ask a teacher what did "Knowledge is power, France is bacon" mean and got a full 10 minute explanation of the Knowledge is power bit but nothing on "France is bacon".
When I prompted further explanation by saying "France is Bacon?" in a questioning tone I just got a "yes". at 12 I didn"t have the confidence to press it further. I just accepted it as something I"d never understand.
It wasn"t until years later I saw it written down that the penny dropped.
下面是中文：
我小時候，父親對我說：“知識就是力量——弗朗西斯·培根（Francis Bacon）”
我將其理解為“知識就是力量，法國就是培根”。
十多年來，我一直在想第二部分的含義，兩者之間的超現實聯絡是什麼？
如果我對某人說：“知識就是力量，法國就是培根”，那他們會明白的點頭。 當有人會說：“知識就是力量”，而我回答“法國是培根”，他們也不會看著我，就算我說的很奇怪，但仍然若有所思地同意了。
我去問老師“知識就是力量，法國就是培根”是什麼意思，得到了整整10分鐘的解釋，即“知識就是力量”，但是對於“法國就是培根”這點沒有任何解釋。
當我透過說“法國是培根？”來提示進一步的解釋時。 在一個疑問的語氣中，我只能說“是”。 在12歲時，我沒有信心進一步追根問底。 我只能接受這個解釋，這個我永遠不會理解的解釋。
直到幾年後，我看到這句話被寫在的一分便士上的字.
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7 # 師弟同學
英語幽默笑話：兔子的論文！
It"s a fine sunny day in the forest, and a rabbit is sitting outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter. Along comes a fox, out for a walk.
這是一個陽光燦爛的晴朗日子，森林裡一隻小兔子坐在洞穴外，在打字機上敲敲打打。這時一隻散步的狐狸走了過來。
Fox: "What are you working on?"
狐狸：“你在做什麼呢？”
Rabbit: "My thesis."
兔子：“寫我的論文。”
Fox: "Hmmm. What"s it about?"
狐狸：“唔，是關於什麼的？”
Rabbit: "Oh, I"m writing about how rabbits eat foxes."
兔子：“噢，我在寫兔子是怎樣吃掉狐狸的。”
Fox: "That"s ridiculous! Any fool knows that rabbits don"t eat foxes."
狐狸：“你太搞笑了吧！誰都知道兔子不吃狐狸。”
Rabbit: "Sure they do, and I can prove it. Come with me."
兔子：“兔子當然吃，我能證明的。跟我來。”
They both disappear into the rabbit"s burrow. After a few minutes, the rabbit returns, alone, to his typewriter and resumes typing.
它們一起消失在兔子的洞穴裡，幾分鐘後只有兔子獨自出來了。它回到打字機前繼續敲打。
Soon, a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit.
很快，一隻狼走了過來，停下看著兔子奮力工作。
Wolf: "What"s that you"re writing?"
狼：“你在寫什麼呢？”
Rabbit: "I"m doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves."
兔子：“我在寫論文，關於兔子如何吃掉狼。”
Wolf: "You don"t expect to get such rubbish published, do you?"
狼：“你不會指望這種垃圾論文被髮表吧！”
Rabbit: "No problem. Do you want to see why?"
兔子：“能發表，你想知道為什麼嗎？”
The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow, and again the rabbit returns by himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to typing.
兔子和狼一起進了洞穴，而兔子又一次獨自走了出來。幾分鐘後它繼續打字。
Inside the rabbit"s burrow: In one corner, there is a pile of fox bones. In another corner, a pile of wolf bones. On the other side of the room, a huge lion is belching and picking his teeth.
兔子洞穴裡：一個角落裡是一堆狐狸骨頭，另一角落裡是一堆狼骨頭。而另一側是一隻獅子，它邊打著飽嗝，邊剔著牙齒。
It doesn"t matter what you choose for a thesis subject.
論文的題目選什麼無關緊要。
It doesn"t matter what you use for data.
你用什麼作為例證資料也無關緊要。
What does matter is who you have for a thesis advisor.
真正重要的是：你的論文導師是誰！
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8 # 再無仲永
Teacher: which hand you used to write with?
Student: neither, I always use a pencil to write!
英語小笑話：
What kind of school do giraffes like to go?
Only the High school!
英語小笑話：
Why the letter B is sitting so cool?
Because it is in between A and C!
英語小笑話：
Teacher: if you had 12 apples, 10 oranges, 5 pineapples, 15 strawberries, what would you have?
Student: A yummy fruit salad, Ma’am!
英語小笑話：
Little Sam (on phone): My son is having high fever and he won’t be able to come to school today.
Teacher: Who is this?
Little Sam: This is my father speaking!
英語小笑話：
Teacher to student: “Make a sentence using the word “I”
Student: “I is..”
Teacher: “No that is not correct, you should say I am”
Student: “Ok. I am the ninth letter in the Alphabet”!
英語小笑話：
One day teacher asked Sam that did his father help him with his homework.
Sam simply said that “No, he did it all by himself”!
英語小笑話：
Mother to Johnny: “how was your exam, is all questions difficult?”
Johnny: “No mom, all the questions were simple, It was the answers which gave me all the trouble”!
回覆列表
1、Boy: Is this seat empty? Girl: Yes and this one will be if you sit down. 男孩：這個座位是空的麼？ 女孩：是的，如果你坐下，我的座位也將是空的。
2、Boy: Can I buy you a drink? Girl: Actually I"d rather have the money. 男孩：我可以給你買杯飲料嗎？ 女孩：你不如直接把錢給我得了。
3、My little dog can"t read Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: It"s no use, my little dog can"t read.
我的狗不識字。布朗夫人：哦， 親愛的，我把珍愛的小狗給丟了！ 史密斯夫人：可是你該在報紙上登廣告啊！ 布朗夫人：沒有用的，我的小狗不認識字。”
4、My Wife Will Exchange Them。A gentleman walks into a store and asked for a pair of gloves. ″Cloth or leather﹖″ asked the salesperson. ″Makes no difference ″replied customer. ″What color﹖″ asked the clerk. ″Any″ he responded.
″Size﹖″ ″Give me whatever you prefer″ the gentleman said slightly exasperated. ″My wife will be back tomorrow to exchange them.″
反正我太太明天會來換的。一位先生走進一家商店要買副手套。 “您是要布的還是皮的？”售貨員問。 “沒什麼區別。”這位顧客回答。 “那您要什麼顏色的呢？”售貨員又問。“什麼顏色都成。”他回答。 “號碼呢？” “您就隨便給我拿一副吧，”這位顧客有點不耐煩了，“反正我太太明天都會來換的。”
5、A physics Examination，Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard. The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunder rolls?
Nick‘s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.
一次物理考試。在一次物理考試時，當同學們都還在苦思冥想時，尼克很快就答好了第一個問題。這個問題是：為什麼在打雷時，我們總是先看到閃電後聽到雷聲？尼克的回答是：因為眼睛在前，耳朵在後。
6、Jim’s History Examination。Uncle: How did Jim do in his history examination?Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasn"t his fault. They asked him things that happened before the poor boy was born.
吉姆的歷史考試。舅舅：吉姆這孩子歷史考得怎麼樣？母親：唉，糟透了。可話又說回來，這也不能怪他。嗨，他們盡問一些這個可憐的孩子出生前的事兒。
7、he is really somebody。-- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do?-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一個大人物。-- 我叔叔下面有1000個人。-- 他真是一個大人物。幹什麼的？-- 墓地守墓人。