The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You"re not coming empty-hangded, are you?
Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you a question. Who is the laziest person in your class?
Tom: I don"t know, father.
Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing and writing, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work?
Tom: Our teacher, father.
中文：
父親：哎，湯姆，今天我跟你們老師談過，現在我想問你個問題。你們班上誰最懶？
湯姆：我不知道，爸爸。
父親：啊，不對，你知道！想想看，當別的孩子們都在做作業、寫字時，誰在課堂上坐著，只是看人家做功課？
湯姆：我們老師，爸爸。
Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: "When I"m dead I want you to marry farmer Jones."
直接翻譯成cold joke就可以了，GOOGLE上查得到。而絕對不是black humor(以下詳細解釋)
冷笑話屬於失敗笑話的一種，是指由於笑話本身因為皆音字、或翻譯、或省去主語、或不同邏輯、或斷語及特殊內容等問題，或是由於表演者語氣或表情等原因，導致一個原本好笑的笑話不能達到好笑的目的，較難引人發笑而成冷場，不過並不代表笑話本身沉悶，這也是幽默的一種表現。而現在聽到冷笑話大多會會心微笑，有時作出雙臂抱緊的動作表示：“好冷啊！”或與冷語意相關的說話與表現，如打冷震、溫度、空調或炎熱天氣等等。
另外black humor(黑色幽默)是完全不同的概念，什麼是“黑色幽默”呢？通俗地說，某個被判絞刑的人，在臨上絞架前，指著絞刑架故作輕鬆地詢問劊子手：“你肯定這玩藝結實嗎？” 因此黑色幽默又被稱為“絞刑架下的幽默”。
這一派作品中充斥的諷刺幽默與傳統的幽默大不相同：並不表現一種單純的滑稽情趣，而帶著濃重的荒誕、絕望、陰暗甚至殘忍的色彩。作品以一種無可奈何的嘲諷態度表現環境和個人(即“自我”)之間的互不協調，並把這種互不協調的現象加以放大，扭曲，變成畸形，使它們顯得更加荒誕不經，滑稽可笑，同時又令人感到沉重和苦悶。
下面是幾個冷笑話：
The mean man"s party
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You"re not coming empty-hangded, are you?
一個出了名的吝嗇鬼終於決定要請一次客了。他在向一個朋友解釋怎麼找到他家時說：“你上到五樓，找中間那個門，然後用你的胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了之後，再用你的腳把門推開。”
“為什麼要用我的肘和腳呢？”
“你的雙手得拿禮物啊。天哪，你總不會空著手來吧？”吝嗇鬼回答。
I think that I"m a chicken
Psychiatrist: What"s your problem?
Patient: I think I"m a chicken.
Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?
Patient: Ever since I was an egg!
精神病醫師：你哪裡不舒服？
病人：我認為我是一隻雞。
精神病醫師：這種情況從什麼時候開始的？
病人：從我還是一隻蛋的時候開始。
Who Is the Laziest?
Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you a question. Who is the laziest person in your class?
Tom: I don"t know, father.
Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing and writing, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work?
Tom: Our teacher, father.
中文：
父親：哎，湯姆，今天我跟你們老師談過，現在我想問你個問題。你們班上誰最懶？
湯姆：我不知道，爸爸。
父親：啊，不對，你知道！想想看，當別的孩子們都在做作業、寫字時，誰在課堂上坐著，只是看人家做功課？
湯姆：我們老師，爸爸。
Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: "When I"m dead I want you to marry farmer Jones."
Wife: "No, I can"t marry anyone after you."
Johnson: "But I want you to."
Wife: "But why?"
Johnson: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!"
譯文：
老農約翰遜就要死了。他的家人都站在床邊。他聲音低沉地對妻子說：“我死後，我想你嫁給農夫瓊斯。”
妻子說：“不，在你死後，我不能嫁給任何人。”
約翰遜：“但我希望你這麼做。”
妻子：“為什麼？”
約翰遜：“因為瓊斯曾在一筆販馬的交易中欺騙了我。”