我不再裝模作樣地擁有很多朋友，而是回到孤單之中，以真正的我開始新的生活。

Instead of pretending to have a lot of friends, I went back to loneliness and started a new life with my true self.

我的孤獨時刻 ：

去b站看直播，找那些剛剛開始直播的小up主聊天，他們很努力，你隨便發什麼他們都會和你互動。

然後我就這樣找人聊了一整天。

My lonely moments:

Go to station B to watch the live broadcast and chat with the small up hosts who have just started the live broadcast. They work very hard. Whatever you send, they will interact with you.

And then I talked to people all day.

昨天在街上逛，看見了一對情侶，男生很帥，女生身上穿的裙子是我相中很久但沒捨得買的。

我站在那，看著他們倆，突然有點難受，怎麼裙子和愛情我都沒有。

Yesterday in the street, I saw a couple, the boy is very handsome, the girl is wearing a skirt that I have been looking forward to for a long time, but I am not willing to buy.

I stood there, looking at them, suddenly a little uncomfortable, how skirt and love I do not have.

我又開始焦慮了，被孤單一點一點侵蝕著 ，像幾萬只螞蟻在血液裡爬 ，腦子裡被塞滿了注了水的棉花，毛毛蟲往心裡鑽洞。

我可能太容易被人影響情緒了，還是不該被接近的 。

I began to worry again. I was eroded by loneliness, like tens of thousands of ants crawling in my blood. My brain was filled with water filled cotton and caterpillars drilling holes in my heart.

I may be too easily affected by people, or should not be approached.

我給世界唱歌，卻給了自己孤單的角色。

I sing to the world, but I give myself a lonely role.

發現了，大多數人認識我三天，要不然就是特別喜歡我，要不然就是覺得我很煩。

喜歡我的人我只能說大家挺有眼光的，因為我確實值得被愛，討厭我的我也覺得挺有眼光的，因為我自己也很討厭自己。

I found that most people have known me for three days, either they like me very much or they think I'm bored.

I can only say that people who like me have a lot of vision, because I really deserve to be loved, and those who hate me also have a lot of vision, because I also hate myself.

我不得不假裝喜歡月亮，因為太陽不會喜歡我，我偏愛著孤獨，卻又假裝活在人群中。

I have to pretend like the moon, because the sun will not like me, I prefer loneliness, but pretend to live in the crowd.

我坐在那窗邊的椅子上，手裡捧著杯溫度剛好的咖啡，靜候夕陽下山，看著黑夜不停地漸變，直至深沉。

I sat on the chair by the window, holding a cup of coffee with just the right temperature in my hand, waiting for the sunset to go down, watching the continuous gradual change of the night until it was deep.

一年到頭，發現自己還是想要花，想要酒，想要親密的愛，想要不考慮明日的快樂，想要用不完的柔情和耗不盡的浪漫心緒，想要呼吸相接，想要一個人靠過來的時候和我不一樣的體溫，想要毫無防備的擁抱。

Throughout the year, I find that I still want flowers, wine, intimate love, happiness without thinking about tomorrow, endless tenderness and endless romantic mood, breathing together, different body temperature when I lean over, and unprepared embrace.

【圖源網路，侵刪致歉】