羞怯能在很大程度上會影響我們Because shyness can grip us in such powerful ways,所以我們很有可能認為它是我們情緒構成中不可改變的一部分it’s tempting to think of it as an immutable part of our emotional make-up它深深地根植於我們的性格甚至生理with roots that extend far into our personalities and perhaps biology,導致我們無法徹底消滅羞怯and that we would be incapable of ever extirpating.但事實上 羞怯是關於這個世界的一系列想法這些想法透過理性的過程 能夠非常溫和地做出改變的But in truth, shyness is based on a set of ideas about the world that are eminently amiable to change他們是建立在易受人影響的錯誤之上through a process of reason, because they are founded on some touchingly malleable errors of thought.羞怯根植於一種獨特的理解陌生人的方式Shyness is rooted in a distinctive way of interpreting strangers.害羞的人並非在所有面前都會尷尬 只是在那些似乎和他們不一樣的人身邊才會舌頭打結The shy aren’t awkward around everyone– they’re tongue-tied around those who seem most unlike them這種感覺基於一些很表面的東西：on the basis of a range of surface markets:年齡 階級 品味 習慣 信仰 背景或宗教age, class, tastes, habits, beliefs, backgrounds, or religions.不帶任何惡意的 我們可以將害羞定義為一種頭腦中的排外主義With no unkindness meant, we could define shyness as a form of provincialism of the mind過分依賴自己的生活和經驗and over-attachment to the incidentals of one’s own life and experience不公平地將別人當做令人畏懼的 高深莫測的 不可知的外國人that unfairly casts others into the role of daunting, unfathomable, unknowable foreigners.當與來自另一個圈子或領域的人接觸時On contact with a person from another world or province害羞的人的頭腦被差異的禁錮光環所主導the shy allow their minds to be dominated by a forbidding aura of difference.他們可能尷尬 並在心裡默默的告訴自己 我現在不需要去說些或者做些什麼They may silently and awkwardly say to themselves that there’s nothing to be said or done因為別人聲名顯赫 而他們屬於默默無名的範圍because the other is famous while they belong to the province of the obscure,或者因為別人年紀很大 而他們只有20幾歲or because the other is very old while their province is firmly that of 20-somethings,或者因為別人非常聰明 而他們的領域是非知識密集型的or because the other is very clever while their province is that as a non-intellectual,或者因為別人來自有很多漂亮女孩的地方or because the other is from the land of very beautiful girls而他們來自男生容貌平平的地方while they hail from the province of average-looking boys.這就是他們不能嬉笑 開玩笑 或者感到從容的原因This is why there can be no grounds to laugh, hazard a playful remark, or feel at ease.害羞的人並不打算表現出不愉快或不友好他們僅僅是把所有的差異因素The shy person doesn’t intend to be unpleasant or unfriendly; they simply experience all otherness作為他們釋放善意 展現個性的不可逾越的障礙as an insurmountable barrier to making their own goodwill and personality apparent.我們可以想象 在人類歷史上 羞怯總是第一反應We can imagine that in the history of humanity, shyness was always the first response.山上的人們會因為他們是農民而你們是漁民觸發這種感覺The people over the hill would have triggered the feeling because they were farmers while you were fishermen,或者他們說話抑揚頓挫 而你們的發音平坦單調or they spoke with a lilt in their vowels while your diction was monotone and flat.然而逐漸地 出現了一種與陌生人相處的更全球化 更少排外的方式-Yet gradually, there emerged a more worldly, less exclusive way of relating to strangers–我們稱之為心理世界主義what we might call a psychological cosmopolitanism.在希臘和羅馬的古代文明中In the ancient civilizations of Greece and Rome由於人們漸漸的要和更多過著非常不同 相互陌生的生活的人接觸prompted by ever increasing encounters between peoples who lived very different and mutually unfamiliar lives,由於貿易和航運的發展 羞怯的替代方式逐漸發展thanks the developments in trade and shipping an alternative to shyness developed.崇拜人類神學的希臘旅人瞭解到 埃及人尊重貓和某些鳥類Greek travelers who worshiped human-like divinities learnt that Egyptians revered cats and certain birds.剃了下巴的羅馬人遇到一臉大鬍子的野蠻人Romans who shaved their chins met barbarians who did not.住在有地暖 柱廊的房子裡的議員們Senators who lived in colonnaded houses with underfloor heating遇到了住在漏風的木屋的酋長encountered chieftains who lived in drafty wooden huts.某些思想家提出了一種方法 認為所有人And among certain thinkers, an approach developed that proposed that all these humans,儘管他們的容貌相異 卻享有一個共同的稱呼…whatever their surface variations, shared a common call…正因如此 成熟的人應當轉為和不同的人相接觸and that it was to this that the mature mind should turn in contact with apparent otherness.正是在這個心理世界主義的思路下 羅馬作家和詩人特倫斯寫道：It was to this cosmopolitan mindset that the Roman playwright and poet, Terrence, gave voice when he wrote,“我是人類 所以沒有人對我來說是外來的”“I am human so nothing human is foreign to me.”基督教利用這種普世的同情感並將之作為他們存在的基石And that Christianity made use of, in rendering universal sympathy, a cornerstone of its view of existence.有人成為一個心理世界主義者 不是基於樂觀的 愛交際的本性Someone becomes a cosmopolitan not on the basis of having a buoyant or gregarious nature,而是因為他們接觸到關於人性的基本真理…but because they are in touch with a fundamental truth about humanity…因為他們知道 無論外表如何 我們內裡是同一個物種 –because they know that irrespective of appearance, we are the same species beneath–派對上有些客人舌頭打結餐館中有些騙子感到尷尬an insight that the tongue-tied guests at the party or awkward seducer in the restaurant對於這些現象的洞悉是有罪的因為它包含了含蓄的拒絕are guilty of implicitly refusing.傳統上 等級或地位是羞怯的排外主義的主要來源Traditionally, rank or status have been major sources of shy provincialism.農民覺得他不能接近地主The peasant felt he couldn’t approach the lord,當伯爵的兒子參觀牛欄時 年輕的擠奶工犯了口吃the young milkmaid stammered when the earl’s son visited the stable.而今 由於這些禁錮的影響 容貌平平的男孩感覺他永不能和漂亮的女孩出去約會Today, in an echo of such inhibitions, the boy of average looks feels he could never hang out with a beautiful girl,普通人沒有任何機會和富豪們說話or the modestly off will lose any ability to talk to the very wealthy.心靈偏安一隅The mind just fixates on the gulfs.我的鼻子看起來像一個孩子用塑膠製成的…My nose looks like a child modeled it out of plasticine…你的好像是由米開朗基羅雕刻出來的yours is as if it had been carved out by Michelangelo.我害怕失去工作 而你擔心的是在墨西哥的業務擴充套件I fear losing my job while you fear that the expansion of your business into Mexico將不會像你預期的那樣有利可圖won’t be as profitable as you’d forecast.心理世界主義者深知差異The cosmopolitan is well aware of differences.它們只是拒絕被差異奴役或主導They just refuse to be cowed or dominated by them.它們透過差異察覺到 或者更實際的說 只是猜測到群體的統一性They look beyond them to perceive, or in practical terms, simply to guess at a collective species’ unity.害羞確實有它富有洞察力的一面Shyness does have its insightful dimensions.它注入了一種意識我們可能會因為自己的存在打攪別人It’s infused with an awareness that we might be bothering someone with our presence.這是基於陌生人可能對我們不滿意或不舒服的敏銳感覺It’s based upon an acute sense that a stranger could be dissatisfied or discomforted by us.害羞的人對成為被討厭的人的危險非常敏感但在大多數情況下The shy person is touchingly alive to the dangers of being a nuisance, yet in most cases,我們只是為我們對別人的保留付出不必要的沉重代價we simply pay an unnecessarily heavy price for our reserve around people只要我們知道如何表現自己的善良 他們就很可能對我們展開心扉who might well have opened their hearts to us if only we’d known how to manifest our own benevolence.我們太過安常守故We cling too jealously to our province.長著粉刺的男孩並沒有發現他和高中的美女有著同樣的笑點The pimply boy doesn’t discover that he and the high school beauty share a taste in humor和父親的關係同樣痛苦and a similarly painful relationship with their father.人種和年齡的差異使得他們有著共同的痛苦卻固執的不相互交往Races and ages continue not to mingle to their collective detriments.羞怯是一種令人同情的獲得特別感的方式但這種特別最終是過度且毫無根據的